My Dad Remembered...

It's the Eve of Father's Day and I can't help but to have the memories of my dad rush through my mind. Someone once said to me "Are you ever going to get over the loss of your dad?" The answer to that question is a profound NO....I never will. It's something you can't understand until you lose someone that is so close to your heart. I don't care how much we may think we don't take those we love for granted...I think once you lose them you realize that you did take the time you had with them for granted. There's only one regret I have in reference to my dad. He and mom came to visit the boys and I for his 63rd birthday here in Maumee. We had discussed doing several different things. Dad was a big jazz fan and the idea came up to take him to a local jazz club so he could see a live band. However, because as a single mom I never had the opportunity to "take a break" and because it was past the boys bedtime when the band would perform, it was decided that they would just stay in and watch the boys so I could go out for the evening. While I'm sure dad didn't mind at all.....I now do. You always think that there will be "next year" or another opportunity to spend time and share moments with those you love....but it doesn't always happen that way. Sometimes people leave us long before you would ever expect it. And while it breaks your heart, it's a fact of life. As my 8 year old, Tyler, once said to me so matter of factly "People come into this world and people go out of this world, Mom." He couldn't have stated it more simple. We never know what tomorrow holds. Our lives can be forever changed in a matter of a second.

My dad was a wonderful man. My brother and I are so blessed to call him "Dad." Throughout the years he taught me so much about life...and when it became time for me to become a mom...he carried the lessons of life onto Dylan and Tyler. I stated that my dad was a wonderful man.....he was a great dad. But anyone that knows him would call him an AWESOME grandpa. Do you know anyone else that has honored their grandparental rights by getting a license plate that says "PAPAW D?" Well, he did. :) (by the way, the "D" came from the fact that Dylan was



named after my maiden name "Dillon"...he always called them Mamaw and Papaw "D"). He never missed an opportunity to be there to share moments with the boys...whether it be coming over to hold them every single day after they were born or attending all their ball games or just simply taking them for a walk to talk about the simple things in life....he was always there. On several occassions I've gone thru the grieving process (it's a cycle that continues in a "different" way for the rest of your life) . I get quite angry that I never had a chance to say "goodbye" to my dad....but then I realize that it was the way it was supposed to come to pass. Dad would have never wanted to suffer or lose the ability to function in any way. If him surviving his heart attack meant that he would have lost the ability to love life, then we are
better off having lost him because he wouldn't have wanted to live like that. Yet if there is one thing I will never stop being "angry" over in the grieving process...it's his grandchildren losing him.

When Dylan was born we gave him a "Grandfather's Book" to write in. I will forever cherish that as it contains some very important things he wished to pass on to his grandchildren. He closed out the book stating:

"There's a lot about our family that's not covered by what's written in this book. I especially wish I could help you know more about my father and grandfather; perhaps I'll be able to tell you about them when you're older. We're going to be very close friends, you and me, and I look forward to the good times we'll spend together. So, have a wonderful life, Dylan, and always know that I love you more than words could ever say..." ~Grandpa

Dad will never get to tell him about the things he wanted to when Dylan gets older. The memories we have of him are in pictures and the few written words we have that he left for us...

Life isn't about the possessions, it's not about the tomorrows....it's about the moments that we have TODAY. I'll forever keep dads memories alive by sharing the stories and the moments he provided to build me into the person that I am today. I'll forever love my dad...and he will forever be my hero.

I miss you more than words or tears could ever express... And Chloe and the boys will know what a great person you were...and will forever be to me.

I love you, Dad....Happy Father's Day!!!!